My Pa likes to joke that I am the mailman’s daughter. My Ma doesn’t think it’s funny because she swears they found me in a dumpster. I think they’re both lying because my brother looks exactly like me, except he has a beard, so clearly they combined their DNA and then just cloned as needed. OBVIOUSLY.
With that said, they settled on a quaint name that means Old Beautiful Star1, which loosely translates to Aude Lising in Standard English, and Ode Leasing in Phonetic English. Not Audi Leasing. Or Odin. I am not Odin, I am not a Norse God. Alas.
If that doesn’t work for you, I also answer to Hey, Hey You, Yo!, Fuckface, and most grunts. The choice is yours, and that choice is probably right. By day, I work as a Pixel Pushing Specialist. When night falls, you can probably find me consuming copious amount of fermented grape juice, spilling paint all over the place and poking needles into my fingertips. And yes, I am aware that one probably causes the other, but have you ever thought that maybe the other causes the one? Think about it.
But the only really important things you need to know about me are that I love coffee, spend a great deal of my time working on the best ways to honour my late-husband’s legacy and memory, and am a practiced veteran of the roll-then-flick booger-disposal method.
- They named my brother Little Emperor, and still to this day, they swear they don’t have a favourite. Right. [↩]